Trump Pardons E-Cigarette Company for Hooking Millions of Kids on Nicotine

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 22 November 2019

image for Trump Pardons E-Cigarette Company for Hooking Millions of Kids on Nicotine

In a dramatic policy reversal, United States President, Donald Trump, instead of banning most flavored e-cigarettes, as he had previously pledged to do, issued a presidential pardon of e-cigarette company JUUL, relieving the vaping company of criminal liability for hooking millions of youth on nicotine.

"In one fell swoop, I've saved the nation billions of dollars in litigation expenses," bragged Trump, who is rumored to also be considering a measure making smokers a protected class of citizens. "And I've freed up the courtrooms for matters that truly matter - like the thousands of marijuana possession cases still awaiting trial."

Meanwhile, although the ongoing impeachment proceedings against the president continue to reveal ever-more-troubling evidence that Trump pressured Ukrainian officials into investigating his political rival Joe Biden's son in exchange for military aid, Trump claims to feel "just peachy" about his prospects of remaining in office.

He added with a chuckle, "in fact, I think JUUL has that flavor. If not, they should."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more