White House Announces It Has Identified Most Likely Suspects in Ukraine Whistleblower

Written by Amiko Aventurista

Monday, 30 September 2019

image for White House Announces It Has Identified Most Likely Suspects in Ukraine Whistleblower
Time to read your cards Mr. President?

Standing outside the White House front entrance, Minister of Truth Shiv Aalok today announced that a blue ribbon commission consisting of the greatest crime mystery writers has been working on identifying the whistleblower behind the Ukraine scandal engulfing President Trump. President Trump created the commission after declaring the whistleblower a spy, who should be treated as such upon capture.

According to early reports, the Commission has identified several "persons" of interest, and the reasons why they could be the whistleblower, including:

* . The IBM Watson computer (never trust programmers)

* . OJ Simpson (if the whistle fits, you must convict)

* . Casey Anthony (if you can kill your daughter you can ...)

* . Jakov Smirnoff (he's Ukrainian right?)

* . The guy who use to flash the John 3:16 sign at sporting events

* . Former Arizona Sheriff Joe Apaio (who can forget the birther movement)

* . Alex Jones of Info Wars (evergreen suspect)

* . Julian Assange of Wikileaks (born tattle-tale)

* Monica Lewinsky (because she always is blowing something)

* . Ghost of Richard Nixon (because he does want to be the only one)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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