BILLINGSGATE POST: It was 6:00 AM in Washington. Those beady eyes that peered back at President Trump from the mirror when he adjusted his albino raccoon hairpiece missed nothing. The hidden camera that the CIA secretly embedded in his hair swirls was actually a stealth bomb. Somehow, the Secret Service had failed to find the camera and recording device that gave the Agency surreptitious access to everything Trump did or said.
Legal scholars could argue that one’s hairpiece is sacrosanct; part of the very being of the person wearing it. Is nothing sacred? But Congresswoman Adam Schiff, the diminutive one, wanted blood.
“Impeach him and the albino raccoon hairpiece he rode in on,” Schiff screamed Into the CNN microphone.
It was Secret Service Agent Slim Everdingle who first spotted the sumbitch.
While checking out the President to see if he was ready to start his day, his patented ACME LITTLE GEM BUG DETECTOR suddenly went bullshit. Slim was wearing his classic white tee-shirt and Dickies Short Sleeve Mechanic's Coveralls. Allowing for a generous fit in the shoulders and chest, its bi-swing back and elastic waist inserts offered Slim classic comfort and protection for his clandestine operations.
Whispering to his sidekick, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler; at the same time furtively throwing a head fake that left the eyeballs of the albino raccoon ricocheting off each other, he grabbed a loose hair of the suspect raccoon and slowly unraveled the 600-foot strand that housed the ACME MICRO BUG combination camera and listening device that recorded every word and action emanating from the most powerful man on the face of the Earth.
A tag on the hairpiece: (Property of the CIA - Handle With Care)
Slim: “No wonder the CIA whistle blower was able to record his conversation with the Ukraine President. The sum bitches are working for the Democrats.”
Dirty: “Yo Dude. WTF? How was the President to know?”