Congressional Democrats may have to rescind their impeachment inquiry after learning the undisclosed whistleblower blames a severe case of chapped lips for her actions. During his weekly briefing with reporters, White House Minister of Truth, Shiv Aalok, claimed he had just finished speaking with House Democrat Adam Schiff, who confirmed that the inquiry could be rescinded.
According to several sources, the unnamed whistleblower testified behind closed doors for two hours. Congressional aides say the whistleblower explained to the House Committee "... my lips were really super-chapped, so I took a drink and blew into my whistle. I didn't think much about it, but suddenly the Democrats say they heard the whistle sing all about Trump, Ukraine, Giuliani, Biden, etc.. I don't remember a note."
After initially threatening the whistleblower, a now jubilant President Trump immediately praised her, and offered to give the whistleblower more of whatever she drank.