Washington, DC Some of the House of Representatives Impeachment Committee computer crew have managed to discover many of the highly encrypted secrets held on the secret server that the President's Ukraine phone call was stored on. Some of these secrets are:
1. Stormy Daniels home phone number
2. Barron Trump's birth certificate (long form) showing that Donald Trump is not his real father, and that Barron's father is actually Paul Manafort
3. Recordings of phone calls between Putin and Trump in which Trump promises Putin his undying loyalty
4. Paperwork showing that each Cabinet branch is funding a different Trump Golf Course and/or Resort
5. Melania's mail order bride agreement
and many more items, said the impeachment team. These items appear to be just the tip of the iceberg!
