"Danes are jerks", mused Donald Trump philosophically, reflecting on his recent rebuff from Mette Frederiksen, Prime Minister of Denmark, following his bid to acquire Greenland.
"I'd 've built 15 golf courses by Christmas, a gold mine, I'm tellin' yer...Stupid woman!!...What is Denmark anyway? A bunch of islands near Sweden, right? No heritage, no history, no innovation. What have they to offer? The Ugly Duckling, longboats and rain! Just look at our wealth of culture: baseball, denims and quarter-pounders. No match, Mette, no match...
The President, alone in the Oval Office, wept into his sleeve. "Why do so many people hate me? What have I done to deserve such ingratitude? Why is everyone so pejorative about me, when I don't even know what pejorative means?! And why is Melania licking up to that Canadian gigolo? Why does my chief adviser wear a rabbit suit? What's happening? The only friend I have is Kim Jong-un; great guy, great leader, great hair..... "
Trump opened his desk and dug out a rubber Captain Marvel effigy, stroked the latex hero and placed it on his lap. "Something went wrong somewhere. I mean, I was born stinking rich, I always got what I wanted...I've got money, I've got a tower, I've got a golf course, I've got power, I've got piles, I've got rhythm..who could ask for anything more?"
Embracing his red companion, he tap-danced to the window, humming.
"I tell yer, it's those Mexicans!! I wanted to get 'em all to Greenland, bit of Arctic climate would do 'em good, wipe those stupid grins off their Hispanic mugs. But now, I'll be sending them to Copenhagen. That'll shake little Miss Mette up, arrogant hussy! How can anyone not agree with the 'chosen one'? I sure do have a cross to bear, so unfair, so unfair.. I think I'm gonna cry.....and they'll be the greatest tears ever seen in the White House......"