In an explosive outburst that echoed around the Oval Office and shattered windows in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Mr Trump expressed his passionate dislike for the Federal Reserve.
“I’m just #$%@ Fed Up” said POTUS, which triggered the universal Italian driver sign of the middle finger being pumped vigorously up and down. The outburst was accompanied by another garbled expletive that sounded very much like “fedupyours” which Press Secretary Sarah Sanders later vehemently denied as a ‘pointed’ reference to the Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Local media has sympathized with Ms Sanders, as her present occupation is one of constantly being in denial.
An hour later, Ms Sanders had no option but to confirm that Mr Trump had slapped sanctions on the Fed. The sanctions came into immediate effect through a tweet, and represent the first foray into crippling a target within the borders of the United States.
The President had decried that the FED takes only one small step of a quarter-point cut in interest rates for the American Man, rather than “one giant leap of 1% for American mankind.”
The President added that the “economy is in good shape… strong, very strong. And that Mr Jay Powell who has been appointed Chairman for a four-year term is clueless and has a horrendous lack of vision.”
Before catching a chopper flight to his golf course, Mr Trump addressed the media, and repeatedly asked who the hell hired this guy, anyway who refuses to listen to POTUS. “China is not the problem, although they are an 'enemy'. Our problem is with the FED. I have therefore decided to slap sanctions of 1% on the FED with immediate effect, so that they get the hint to cut borrowing costs to help the US economy "go up like a rocket”, with the boom effect lasting well into election year.
“The FED will act as appropriate to sustain economic expansion…” said Mr Powell, and confessed to his team that a 1% cut might sound like a great blast-off, but that the rocket will eventually fall back to earth with a fizz and a whimper, as all rockets tend to do.
Later that evening, when Mr Powell left the Federal Reserve building to go home, his official car and driver were nowhere to be seen. Taxis wouldn’t stop, and Uber failed to respond. In fact, there were no colleagues who could give him a lift, not even a cruising, sympathetic Democrat.
The sanctions were taking effect.
