Trump Agrees to Ban Assault Weapons for Shooting Stars

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 9 August 2019

image for Trump Agrees to Ban Assault Weapons for Shooting Stars
The assault weapon ban for shooting stars will make the heavens safer for wishers everywhere, says Donald Trump.

In the wake of yet another mass shooting, pressured to enact tougher gun regulations, United States President Donald Trump agreed to back legislation completely banning the purchase and sale of assault weapons to or from shooting stars.

Explaining the rationale behind the all-out ban, Trump stated, "People make wishes on these things. Everyday Americans shouldn't have to worry about being greeted with a barrage of bullets simply for expressing an earnest desire."

Trump particularly emphasized that the assault weapons ban for shooting "stars" would likewise apply to black celebrities. "We can't have rap singers and hip-hop people walking around with weapons of mass destruction," he said. "The last thing this country needs is these people engaging in more mass shootings just to get footage for their next 'hos and blow' video."

Although some have said that Trump's ban on assault weapons for shooting stars doesn't go far enough, others praised the measure as a groundbreaking clarification of Second Amendment rights.

"While assault weapons are appropriate for the large majority of the population, there are a certain few who have no logical need to own a rapid-firing weapon of war capable of killing dozens of people in a matter of seconds," said Alec Gentry of the National Rifle Association. "We support this regulation."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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