Vegan-Friendly Atheist Allows Animals to Go to Heaven

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 11 August 2019

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Atheist Alex Harrison says veganism is too much like a religion for him - and besides, where would he get his protein?

In an effort to recruit vegans to the secular movement, outspoken non-believer Alex Harrison, host of the popular podcast Smarter than God, stated that animals could go to the same place that good people go after they die.

"There's no reason that the fictional after-life should be limited to humans," said Harrison, who, while not a vegan himself, thinks that factory farming is uncool. "Why shouldn't dogs and cats get to go, too? Hell, for that matter, let's let in cows and pigs while we're at it. Heaven will be a little earthy-smelling but hey, you can't have it all in paradise."

Harrison went on to state that he hopes that his inclusive attitude toward all sentient beings will cause animal rights activists to take a good, hard look at their unfounded religious beliefs. "Once they start really thinking about it, they'll see that animals have gotten a really bum rap in most organized religions. That alone ought to make them want to ditch their dogma."

Given his open-hearted attitude toward non-human animals, some vegans have challenged Harrison to put his fork where his mouth is and take the vegan leap.

But veganism is not not for him, says Harrison. 'Too much like a religion. Practically a cult, in fact," he said. "And besides, where would I get my protein?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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