God Admits to Being a Codependent

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 8 June 2019

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An admitted codependent, God plans to set some boundaries with his son, Jesus.

After an eternity of trying desperately to control everything around him so that the people he cared about would be okay, God finally admitted to being a codependent.

“I felt like I wasn’t okay unless everyone else was okay,” said God. “I felt responsible for everyone, and put everyone else’s needs before my own. I didn’t think like my needs mattered. Classic codependent. I can’t believe it took me this long to see it.”

As he tells it, it was God’s most recent relationship, with a 24-year-old Nashville woman, Shana Warwick, that made him see the toxic codependency cycle at play.

“I didn’t even know her, and suddenly she just showed up with all these expectations and demands,” said God. “I immediately went into people-pleasing mode, trying to give her everything she wanted and be everything she wanted me to be. It took me a few weeks to realize it was all about her. She’d never asked me a single thing about me. Honestly, I think she’s a little narcissistic.”

Aware that codependency issues typically stem from original family systems, God says he’s taking a close look at all his intimate family relationships. “I’m realizing that I’m very enmeshed with my son, Jesus,” said God. “It won’t be easy, but I think he and I both need to set some boundaries.”

God says he’s determined to work through his codependency issues, no matter what it takes. “I can’t help anyone else if I’m not taking care of myself,” he said. “It’s time to put me first. At least for now.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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