Local Man Breathes Sigh of Relief That Psychotic Ex-Wife Directs Abusive Rants Toward Spirit Airlines

Funny story written by David E. Wesley

Wednesday, 17 July 2019

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Oklahoma City resident Peter Berenger appeared happy and relaxed at his office job this week after discovering that his psychotic ex-wife has been channeling her abusive venomous rants toward the budget-conscious Spirit Airlines instead of him.

Speaking to a local news reporter at K-105C in downtown Oklahoma City, the Senior Statistical Medical analyst said,
“I thank the Lord every morning that I am no longer the focus of her attention, and I say that as a devout atheist. God help those poor employees at Spirit Airlines. They have no idea what they are in for. She is a verbal force of evil, and a bully of epic proportions.”

The couple divorced after five years of marriage, and have no children. Berenger explained off-camera to news reporters that the best decision he made in his life was always wearing a condom with his wife. “To be blunt, raw dogging it and busting a nut in her...forget it, my life would be over.”

His wife once locked him out of the house during a rare hail storm because she was upset when she saw he was chatting online to a platonic co-worker about work. “Does that make a lick of sense to you?" he asked. It’s the most insecure irrational thinking. He was pelted so hard by hail stones, he looked like he was at the end of a boxing match.

Berenger then witnessed his wife through the windows punching herself in the arm, legs, and face to mimic the bruises of her husband. She then screamed through the sliding glass door that she was going to call the police on him, report him for raping her, and stabbed the DVD player with a kitchen knife. His current girlfriend sent Berenger a recent tweet from his ex-wife....

@SpiritAirlines Get. it. together fuck heads. $9 for a bottle of water is not customer service. It’s highway robbery. Wanna fight about it? I’ll punch one of your flight attendants.

“Yup, just like her. I hear her voice when reading this tweet," Berenger said. "Not being the target of her verbal abuse is like a day at the beach. Absolutely refreshing!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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