Rachel Riley Takes on Internet Trolls over AntiSUMitism

Funny story written by I think I'm funny...

Friday, 17 May 2019

image for Rachel Riley Takes on Internet Trolls over AntiSUMitism
Calling out 'Number Trolls' on social media

Countdown presenter Rachel Riley, has taken it upon herself to become the self-appointed spokesperson for the Mathematical community.

"It's hard to imagine," explains Riley, "but there really are people out there who don't like maths. I call them AntiSUMites."

"For example, two years ago, Diane Abbott, blatantly misused numbers during an interview on police recruitment. This shows her insensitivity to the Mathsidic community. She clearly needs to apologise, or resign - ideally both."

Over the past year, Rachel has waged a one-woman campaign on social media calling out Antisumitism wherever she sees it. "When people say things like "I'm rubbish at maths!", or "I don't have a head for figures", or "I am Dyspraxic", they are being Antisumitic. Luckily, I am there to organise a Twitter pile-on and hound them to the end of the Earth, so they have to quit their jobs and assume a new identity!"

For now, Ms Riley has vowed to continue her brave bullying campaign against anyone who disagrees with her (or 'sanctimonious Lefties' as she calls them) by telling them to "fuck off" before blocking them on Twitter.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more