Dogs To Be Trained To Pick Up Their Own Turds

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 23 June 2019

image for Dogs To Be Trained To Pick Up Their Own Turds
This dog was managing rather well

After complaints from numerous members of the public that dog owners are not obeying the law with regard to their dogs' faecal waste, and are not properly disposing of their droppings, an East Yorkshire council has decided to introduce a new scheme which will train dogs to pick up their own turds.

Hull City Council have received so many furious phone calls and emails about abandoned dog dirt, that it seems as if the city's footpaths have been transformed into Brown Ice-skating Rinks, with pedestrians slipping, sliding, and risking 'life and limb', due to the dog owners' negligence.

Dogs have also been let off their leashes in a local cemetery, leaving something other than flowers on the graves.

"It has to stop," said HCC officer, Bill Crapper. "We're going to be holding these one-week courses that will show the dogs how to 'scoop their poop', and dispose of it properly."

The trainees will be given instruction on how to use a brush and scooper, how to place the poop into a plastic bag, and how to tie it. They'll then be shown the specially-marked dogshit bins, into which the bags must be placed.

Crapper said:

"We hope that the dogs might take the responsibility of disposing of their own turds a bit more seriously than their owners do. It's common sense, really, and a shame that many people just don't have any."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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