Students Transferring To Other Colleges Because Professor Keeps Passionately Talking About "Vlad The Impaler" Instead Of Teaching World History

Written by Wesley Janson

Sunday, 21 April 2019

image for Students Transferring To Other Colleges Because Professor Keeps Passionately Talking About "Vlad The Impaler" Instead Of Teaching World History
This information isn't going to help me become a social worker in a correctional facility when I graduate.

Cedar Falls, Iowa. Finding themselves rather upset that the syllabus of their World History class was not offering the breadth of knowledge they had originally expected to gain at the beginning of the Spring Semester, numerous UNI students made the painful and heart-breaking decision to transfer to other Midwestern colleges after realizing that their Professor only wanted to talk about "Vlad The Impaler" instead of anything else.

Fully expecting to learn about the Renaissance, Malthusian theories on population growth, the Belgian Congo under King Leopold The Second, the influence that ancient Greek and Romanesque architecture continually have on modern day buildings, the intricate and complicated circumstances that led to World War 1 and World War 2, and the political views of Michael Dukakis in the 1980s, first-year students at the university gathered together and decided that they were tired of hearing their obsessive-compulsive, emotionally-disturbed, ranting professor constantly waste their time by discussing the vicious, Impaler Prince of 15th Century Wallachia.

"He's been talking about the 'Order of the Dragon,' night-time skirmishes against the Ottoman Turks, and the battle at Târgoviște since November, and I simply can't stand it anymore," 19-year-old Ryan Kroep told reporters.

"This information isn't going to help me become a social worker in a correctional facility when I graduate," he added.

20-year-old Sarah Nattling validated Ryan's frustration by confessing that she tries really hard not to fall asleep in her chair while constantly hearing theories about how demonic entities in the mysterious and unexplainable Hoia Baciu Forest are oddly associated with the cruel reign of the bloodthirsty, ruthless, Vlad Tepes III, who successfully wiped out an entire aristocratic class by surrounding them with barbaric and loyal men, before forcing them to build his castle walls until they fell over dead from exhaustion.

"I don't think my professor has ever been laid, and I think he has a plethora of deeply-rooted, unresolved, psychological disorders that plague him on a daily basis, thus causing him to relentlessly focus on the subject," she stated.

"Learning the story behind Bram Stoker's novel is not going to help me study Calculus at UW-Platteville, so that I can eventually become a corporate office worker who deals with stressful phone calls all day long, while trying to raise children as a divorced, single mother," she added.

Several other students have also formed blogs expressing their frustration over the fact that the lectures they repeatedly hear on Romanian History will not help them with the complicated emotional issues (or the alcoholism) they will face in their 30s and 40s, when they have to legally separate from someone they no longer feel any love towards.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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