Cleveland, Ohio. After being born and raised in the trenches of Dane County, Wisconsin, to lower middle class parents, and surviving numerous fraternity parties filled with booze and wild orgies at UW-Madison, Dwain Kurt, 40, was reported as "doing well in life" last Wednesday.
Despite the inner conflict, soul-searching, and confusion he felt as a younger man while earning his Business Degree, Dwain persevered through endless nights of drinking Scotch whiskey and having pre-marital sex in order to get where he is today.
When asked to describe how he courageously shattered the barriers holding him back from attaining an upper middle class status, Mr. Kurt said that the process was "really long and hard" and that the odds against him were "stiff."
"I wanted to pull out many times," he told reporters.
"But I knew that withdrawal was not the answer," he added.
With his conservative Christian values holding him together through tortuous evenings of going to Badgers games, while fending off cell phone calls from physically fit, athletic, blonde-haired, sexually aggressive, desperate sorority women aged 20-23, Dwain eventually "made it" through college, married a voluptuous brunette with a marketing degree, and found a corporate position that he really enjoys.