Dane County, Wisconsin. 39-year-old Josh Albert, an extreme introvert who has a tremendous amount of difficulty getting through social circumstances and activities that require interaction with other people, was rushed to a Madison area hospital last Thursday at 4:45 pm after passing out on his driveway.
The intensely nervous Information Technology Specialist began having problems early that morning when one of his neighbors waved to him on his way to work. Although he survived the incident, Josh had to further endure hearing the words, "good morning," from two of his co-workers before a third one tested his capacity to hold a conversation by asking him how he was doing.
With his peace of mind totally compromised and his state of emotional well-being disrupted beyond repair, Mr. Albert struggled to get through the morning while desperately wishing that he could just go home, read a book, and peacefully spend the rest of the day by himself.
Just when he thought he was in the clear, however, Josh was then overwhelmed with anxiety at 10:45 am when Jennifer Kline, a beautiful co-worker a few cubicles away, smiled and winked at him.
Craving nothing but solitude so that he could rest and recharge from all of the dynamic social interactions he had experienced, the shy IT Specialist was forced to "go the extra mile" when a buddy of his sent him a text message inviting him out to lunch at a nearby restaurant.
After 45 minutes of trying to eat a cheeseburger while listening to his friend intricately describe a recent sexual encounter he had with a drunk, red-haired cocktail waitress in the back seat of somebody else's car, Josh returned to his cubicle feeling nauseous and fatigued only to discover that his extroverted cousin had sent him an email stating that he was in the area, and that they should get together soon.
With very little strength remaining, Josh finally drove back home and opened his car door right before an old classmate called him, asked him how his day went, and then told him a joke about a flying leprechaun buttfucking a three-eyed gargoyle.
Having absolutely no energy left, Josh laughed at the joke before losing consciousness and falling out of his car.
After thoroughly examining Mr. Albert and pushing an oversized, unlubricated catheter directly through the sensitive inner-lining of the young man's penis hole, Dr. Aaron Lansky concluded that the reclusive introvert was perfectly healthy, but that he should remain in the hospital for at least 4 weeks without visitors.