Marriages on the Fritz as Women "Marie Kondo" Their Husbands

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 2 March 2019

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It's not just old kitchenware that's being tidied up - and out - thanks to Marie Kondo: it's husbands.

In the wake of the popular reality show hosted by Japanese organizing consultant Marie Kondo, who helps people declutter and improve their lives by getting rid of anything that doesn't genuinely spark joy, marriages everywhere are on the fritz as women apply the same tidying-up principles to their husbands.

"Aggravation? Yes. Frustration? Yes. But joy? Never even crossed my mind that that was an option," said Clara Boone of Indianapolis, one of the many in her city who decided that, by Marie Kondo standards, her husband didn't make the cut.

Zoe Gilbert of Brooklyn, New York, said that tossing out her husband not only eliminated a source of non-joy but had a notable tidying-up effect in and of itself. "He was a slob," said Zoe. "You could say he was naturally adept at tidying down."

And as Shirley Lopez of Modesto, California, said, "Marie Kondo says there are only two things you need to figure out: whether or not to keep something, and if so, where to keep it. All this time, I'd been racking my brain where to keep my husband - the garage, the couch, the basement, maybe, occasionally, my bed? But I was totally missing that first step. I didn't even want to keep him!"

Marital experts differ as to why what's come to be known as the "Kondo Effect" seems to result in wives getting rid of husbands - and not the other way around. Is it because men are generally happier in their marriages, finding their wives a true source of joy?

"That is one possibility," said couples counselor Robert Wise. "But general consensus is that regardless of whether it's their homes or their relationships, men are simply terrible at tidying up."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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