Last Night's TV: Make Me a Dealer

Saturday, 1 December 2018

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Popular daytime telly favourite, Make Me a Dealer, returns to our screens this week. The show, hosted by amiable host Mart Paulin, pits two aspiring drug dealers against each other. The two contestants, Dwayne Trutter a former football hooligan and Dobo Squires a failed UKIP local councillor have to make a profit by using their own money to buy and sell narcotics.

In the first show of the series, Dwayne successfully scored a kilo of skag that he was able to sell on at a profit after cutting it with a ground up toilet cake.

Not to be outdone Dobo was able to raise a cool nine grand by selling one of his kidneys on the black market which he spent on homeopathic Viagra.

It was Dobo who emerged as the runaway winner after the hapless Dwayne landed in a spot of bother with the rozzers. Dwayne had made the rookie mistake of failing to bribe the local law enforcement. In contrast Dobo's choice to buy homeopathic Viagra proved a shrewd move because it contained no active ingredients at all and so technically wasn't a drug.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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