Written by Harry Klondike

Sunday, 10 February 2019

image for Yes, Virginia, Santa Claus Has Donned "Blackface"

Richmond Va.;
It took a government worker for the Department of Motor Vehicles suffering confusion with the line of succession rules in Virginia, to bring national attention to a bizarre statewide descent into madness.

A peculiar rash of unsolicited "confessions" has rocked the state of Virginia. Much has been on social media, however there was one DMV worker (a white male whose name is being withheld) who walked into a police station and claimed to have lynched a black man 30 years ago. After a brief investigation, he has been charged for filing a false police report, and is undergoing a psychiatric evaluation.

In a separate incident, the branch manager of a national bank called all of his subordinates into an early morning meeting. According to sources, he said, "in an attempt to clear the air and preemptively make myself transparent to any future party asking about whether I've said improper things or had prohibited thoughts, I'd like to read the following:"

What happened next, was a colorful list of every slur against every variation of human condition imaginable. "This guy really did his homework," said one attendee. Another said; "while I worry for his mental stability, it's also just such a fucking relief - the next person who naysays someone's choice of words or claims to feel "uncomfortable" about office language, I'm gonna just bust their teeth out!" Others agreed, and said, where politics is concerned, "if someone screws around on their spouse, has gone to a frat party in blackface, or squeezed some gals tits without consent, that's all the more reason to vote for them!

Not everyone is happy with this outbreak of hysterical catharsis. Joel Miller who specializes in coordinating mental health triage for disasters, said, "we could dispatch councilors, but that would require the governor to allocate disaster funding. Obviously the crisis now is we're a bit lacking in governance. Until someone figures out who's in charge, I guess the free-for-all will continue.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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