An anonymous spokesperson for vaccine producers Outmoda has stepped forward to clarify his company's position in the current controversy over “mass formation psychosis.” Mass formation psychosis has emerged recently as an explanation for the gener…
Capitol police are not sure they have the personnel to carry out Ms. Pelosi's new orders, especially for bathroom breaks from the House floor. The issue rises from a purported metal detector violation by two Republican House members, Reps. Louie G…
Breaking: CBS has just released a new broad interview with top US health authorities on the current coronavirus pandemic. The interview promises "aggressive reporting," in the VCGS (Viewer Confidence in Government Services) series. Following ea…
Earlier today Sputnik International broke the news of a sensational arrest in which the culprit nearly escaped. The culprit had taken refuge behind a tree in the steep wooded terrain of an area that must remain anonymous, according to police, to a...
Richmond Va.; It took a government worker for the Department of Motor Vehicles suffering confusion with the line of succession rules in Virginia, to bring national attention to a bizarre statewide descent into madness. A peculiar rash of unsolic...
The facts are now in on the Covington boys in the MAGA hats on their trip to the Lincoln Memorial. The MAGA hat is now being studied as causing brainlock, wild eyes, hysterical convulsions, purblind news reports, plus endangering the country. T...
Scottish football was today reacting to the ugly scenes that marred last nights Edinburgh derby between Hearts and Hibernian which, it has to be said, were also quite entertaining. Hibs manager Neil Lennon was struck in the face by a coin thrown f...
Chairman of the Judiciary Committee, Senator Grassley of Iowa, announced today that additional to testimony next week in the Kavanaugh affair, special memory testing procedures have been initiated. Not the same as lie detector testing, the new mem...
Investigators were able to speak to Ms. Daniels yesterday on revelations that may play a vital role in the upcoming midterm elections. That is,Ms. Daniels has declared there is some abnormality in the President’s physiology, possibly indicating he...
Former Director of the FBI James Comey has been hospitalized and isolated in a special care facility in Washington, D.C. He is diagnosed with a severe outbreak of the new virus NDCR, particularly virulent this summer. This facility remains cla...
Twitter today proudly announced a new product today that they believe will give them the edge on Zuckerburgs Face Space Fake News capability. Twitter management have been concerned recently with falling revenues and saw the success of the other guys...
Today the world's media gathered, all seven elderly Caucasian men, to discuss headline news which "will happen" in 2017. The seven, representing 98.3% of the planets mainstream news' outlets, met at Chappaqua, New York in a palatial summer resid...
Donald Trump caused a global media frenzy over his latest tweet, "OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPETY DOO", leading to Martial Law being declared in eighty countries overnight. With DEFCON II about to be formally declared, mass civil unrest and hysteria seems...
A new company named KRAP Inc. has stepped forward to take action in the Ebola crisis. KRAP Inc. (Kaci Risks and Preventions) maintains it is responding in the spirit of Salem in the 1690's, Senator McCarthy in the 1950's, and the anthrax scare on...
First it was Subway that was selling halal meat, then Pizza Express, now it turns out halal produce is everywhere, including the water coming out of British taps. "This is an outrage," said Nick Farage, head of UKIP. "Why isn't this on the news?...
Greetings pop pickers. What follows is a chart rundown of the most used soundbites of which politicians, attempting to outdo each other with, and EVERY media outlet, attempting to shape our opinions with, have utilised in their gushing application of Sainthood to a man who never wanted to be considered a saint because he and no one is. He was however, a great man. (d'oh) 10. Great Man 9. Ma...
I understand that two people will fight, especially when they've been together as long as we have. But to take such a low road by using the @*#*!-word is just too much. How can you not remember that the last time you said @*#*! to me, I left you for more than a week? All I can take away from your use of that word this time is you want me to leave you. Is that it? Because if it is, you should just...
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