Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 27 December 2018

image for The last adults in the room celebrate with beer party in Mattis basement
Mattis cat discovered during the celebration brought cheers and high fives

General Mattis’ resignation, December 21, has brought a hue and cry in the mainstream media that “the last adults in the room” have left the Trump administration.

Accordingly, Mr. Trump is seen as the equivalent of a schoolboy wearing a cap with helicopter blades plus short pants and a lollipop in his mouth.

The question of the day has become:

Are there any adults whatever around Mr. Trump, other than Melania?

How in the world can the nation rest easy when Mr. Trump is bringing troops home—instead of sending them into battle?

And it’s not just Syria. It’s also drawdown in Afghanistan.

To assuage the situation, Mr. Mattis invited a bevy of those very last adults in the room to a private beer party in his basement.

Attending: General Kelly, General McMaster, Mr. Tillerson, Mr. Priebus, Mr. Bannon, Mr. Sessions, among others.

Representatives of The New York Times, The Washington Post, CNN, MSNBC (particularly Rachel Maddow), Mr. Bolton, and Mr. Pompeo were also special guests.

Mr. Mattis’s basement contains a well-stocked bar plus billiard room, card game room, small theatre, and souvenier room with slogan over its door:

“If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all” this famous "Mad Dog" slogan promises.

Entering this area Rachel Maddow was reported giggling--over another witticism from the general: “It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people.”

General Mattis and his colleagues settled down for an evening of beer and laments over the general loss of their maturity and wisdom from Mr. Trump’s considerings.

Talk of relaxation of war all over the globe brought a particularly large amount of tut-tuttings.

Mr. Bolton pulled out his neocon bible for a lengthy quoting session.

More sighings and cluck-cluckings as well as the tut-tuttings emerged from the gathered.

Mr. Trump had ignored Mr. Bolton’s policy to keep troops in Syria until hell freezes over as a way of combating dire threats coming from Iran.

Those threats, admitted, are not so much military as they are economic, what with pipeline considerations and overall regional influence.

Besides, Mr. Bolton continued, it was certainly the nation’s duty to be number one in the world and dominate it accordingly.

Didn’t even Mr. Obama (who was not invited) talk about “the indispensable nation”?

A high point of the evening came when Ms. Maddow disappeared somewhere, but just as alarm was starting up she re-appeared, chuckling and texting something onto her tablet.

“There are some assholes that just need to be shot,” she chortled, once again quoting the General from a list of his sayings in the souvenier room.

All in all, the last adults in the room at this gathering felt reassured that their absence from the administration would be direly missed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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