Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 4 November 2018

image for FBI-Russian Collusion: Wasted Days And Wasted Nights
Pigeon Drop

BILLINGSGATE POST: The pigeon should have known better. He shouldn’t have bothered. But indifferent to the risks involved, he allowed himself to be inveigled into being made part of a clandestine operation from which no ascertainable gain could be assumed.

First of all, no self-respecting pigeon would ever deal with James Comey and Robert Mueller; especially that evening, when both of the former FBI Chiefs were cross-dressed to avoid scrutiny by sharp-eyed reporters from CNN. Comey, as usual, was attired in a yellow, feathered boa that had been gathering dust since the 70’s in a closet dedicated to J Edgar Hoover’s alternative wardrobe. Comey, who is tall to begin with, was hobbled by having to wobble around wearing high-heeled loafers. Mueller, who was able to transport himself with more dignity, wore a pink, ruffled tulle with satin shrugs, his feet stylishly encumbered with ankle-height Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars - white, of course.

Parked under the blown-out streetlight, in their 1951 Studebaker Champion, Slim Everdingle and Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler were whiling away that evening, expecting nothing to interrupt their lonely stakeout.

Slim was humming an old Freddy Fender favorite:

Wasted days and wasted nights,
I have left for you behind
For you don’t belong to me,
Your heart belongs to someone else.

All this time, the pigeon was hovering above the faded blue Studebaker, biding his time while Dirty Trick was bore-sighting his Remington 870 pump action shotgun at the inebriated dipsomaniacs who ambled petulantly by, mumbling umbrageous mumble-jumble.

“What the (expletive deleted) was that?”

“Just another pigeon dropping a load on Old Champion.”

“I’ll blow the sum bitch to Hell if he does.”

“Hold on, Dirty, I think he has a note tied to his leg. Might be what we’ve been waiting for.”

NOTE: The next episode could reveal the answer to whether the FBI colluded with the Russians. Stand by....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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