Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

image for Tear Down The Fence! Trump Sez He Will Build A Moat Instead
Deputy Gator

BILLINGSGATE POST: President Trump told a hushed audience in Iowa last night, that trying to keep out the hordes of illegals from entering the US by building a fence has failed miserably. Arguing that it is a waste of money to continue this mission because the fence can be tunneled under or laddered over by those who wish to enter, he told the Iowa farmers, largely a bunch of hayseeds, that the plan to dig a moat from San Diego to Brownsville, Texas has been resurrected.

Initially recommended by Dr. Billingsgate nearly five years ago, it was discredited by soft-hearted liberals because Billingsgate also suggested the moat be staffed by deputizing hungry alligators who were starving for victims in the waterways of Florida. Although the thought of children being snatched from their mother's arms by ravenous gators seems horrible to some, the good doctor pointed out that dying of thirst crossing the desert ain't no picnic either.

Also, the cost-effectiveness of replacing Border Patrol agents with these reptillian killing machines is indisputable. With the average agent pulling down $88,000 in salary and benefits, in addition to the millions saved by not having to arm and deploy these agents in gas-eating vehicles, there is little doubt that this would be a win-win solution. It is also estimated that it will gainfully employ 300,000 construction workers for six years, which makes it even more important that we begin construction immediately.

It is also worth pointing out, that it is virtually impossible to bribe an alligator. Although the vicious cartels might attempt to divert these slimy sentinels by dumping body parts of newly eviscerated victims, most gators prefer live bait.

President Trump cited Dr. Billingsgate as an example of man’s ability to think outside the box; adding that he should have thought of it himself.

MAGA: Make Alligators Great Again!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
90 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more