BILLINGSGATE POST: The vastness of the rolling prairies and majestic mountains that stretch across Montana are miracles of Nature that have inspired the imagination of generations of cowboys and sheepherders who spent countless lonely nights under the Big Sky, wishing and longing for the warmth of another mammal to share their solitude.
Many a melody has been composed under the melancholic specter of millions of flickering stars that fed the fantasy of these men. Not the least, but certainly not the best of these, was the haunting, harmonic lyrical composition, “I Have Been Lonesome In The Saddle Since My Horse Died.” Interestingly, no one has ever taken credit for composing this song.
Concomitant with these less than amorous conditions, minds drifted. Dreams of snuggling with female members of one’s own specie were overrode by the availability of proxy specimens of pulchritudinous pleasures that only desperate men could conjure up: mostly impure thoughts of reciprocal carnal knowledge; not of classic reproductive sex, but sex nonetheless.
It was veteran CIA Agent Detrick “Dirty Tricks” Detwiler who first recognized the need to hold these unwitting sheep accountable. By investing in a discarded pitchfork handle and a mirror, the notorious “Montana Pole” was invented. The rest is history: Crack CIA Agent Detwiler channeled this investiture of counterintuitive responsibility to the wooly seductress, not the perceived perpetrator, aka; the sheep herder.
Not known for being demonstrative, the sheep has largely been perceived as the victim in rendezvous of this unholy alliance between man and beast. However, by dangling the mirror in front of the sheep’s head while he was being poked from behind, it was duly noted that the sheep was smiling.
CIA Director John Brennan was not known for awarding field agents for inventive ways to compromise adversaries in the Looking Glass War. This battle of wits, to wit; the use of mirrors while poking sheep from behind, which pits the reflective images of the real against the surreal, has been used by the CIA to compromise Russian Kompromats for the past twelve years.
John Brennan: “Good work, Dirty Tricks. In the annals of the CIA, the Montana Pole will forever have your name attached. You are a credit to the Agency.”