US intelligence agencies to receive prestigious Bird Blossom Award

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

image for US intelligence agencies to receive prestigious Bird Blossom Award
This bird spokesperson declined comment

Last evening Mr. Clapper, Mr. Comey, and Mr. Brennan accepted The ASFD's (Academy of Science and Forensic Duty) most distinguished award.

The Bird Blossom Award last appeared in 2003 following Mr. Bush's work on discovering WMD (weapons of mass destruction) in Iraq.

The award sculpture not only includes the imagery of a bird (thought to be ostrich) but, as "blossom," is fashioned after the well-known experience of the bird dropping itself.

A spattering of immaculately white droplets lies at the base of the trophy.

Shaped like tiny magnolia blossoms, these droplets are considered quite beautiful, according to The Academy of Arts and Sciences.

There was, however, some delay amongst the threesome as to who should actually receive the ward into his hands.

At first Mr. Clapper had been selected to lead the trio, but an ASFD advisor gravely pointed out that the NSA's assessment of the recent Hacking Report came out only as "moderate."

"Moderate" according to intelligence experts is a "low" score at approximately a C level for a freshman composition.

The Chair of the award then turned to Mr. Comey for the central role, but once again the advisor stepped gravely forward.

Now the problem was Mr. Comey's agency, the FBI, which relied entirely on another intelligence agency for its assessment, and that agency turned out to have been in the employ of the DNC.

Unfortunately, this factor tainted that intell somewhat.

The DNC was targeted for activities considered dubious ethically (such as with favoring Hillary Clinton over Bernie Sanders), if not close to indictment of some sort.

The awards audience was at this point somewhat restless with some murmurings, and a tiny impatience.

Mr. Brennan then stepped into the receiving position, as head of the CIA.

All three intelligence officers quickly glanced toward the grave advisor who nodded with a thumbs up.

But just at the crucial moment as Mr. Brennan stepped forward hand outstretched, the grave advisor did come forward after all, with something he had momentarily forgotten.

The question is, he said, what is the meaning of "assessment"?

According to the report itself, on what these "assessments" mean:

"Judgments are not intended to imply that we have proof that shows something to be fact."

The report continues:

"Assessments are based on collected information, which is often incomplete or fragmentary, as well as logic, argumentation, and precedents."

At this point the three gentlemen of the intelligence agencies moved to a quick huddle, arms around each others' shoulders.

Mr. Comey emerged, smiling and nodding.

"We can wait 'til next year for this award if you'd prefer."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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