Swedish prosecutor's office sends Valerie Thighborg to conduct Assange to new hiding place

Written by joseph k winter

Friday, 19 May 2017


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Swedish prosecutor's office sends Valerie Thighborg to conduct Assange to new hiding place
Miss Thighborg once again plays her hand into the Assange case

With cancellation of the arrest warrant for Julian Assange by Swedish prosecutors, a new turn in the case is currently developing.

This means the rape charge held for the past seven years has turned out as nothing but leverage for a political cause against Mr. Assange.

Mr. Assange is well-known as a prominent "whistle-blower," leading to apoplectic indignation and strained physical organs in Washington.

However, the figure of Valerie Thighborg, who several times has visited Mr. Assange as representative of the Swedish prosecutor, is once again front and central.

Miss Thighborg has stated, "It ees ferry impohdant to get Choolian, I mean Mr. Assangeee, out off that dungeon."

But the British police are still adamant that Mr. Assange should be arrested because, instead of turning himself in five years ago, he sought refuge in the Ecuador Embassy building.

The legal case here compares to the weight and thickness of a butterfly's wing.

Mr. Assange's "evasion" constitutes the legal basis for further pursuing him, and is fully supported by CIA Director Pompeo and Attorney General Sessions.

"Wantonly spraying around government secrets is not something we approve of," according to a statement from Mr. Pompeo's office.

Mr. Assange is guilty of exposing US government wrongdoing plus criminal behavior by the Democratic National Convention, which last year illegally overthrew Mr. Sanders' campaign to be nominated for the presidency.

News media that reported on Mr. Assange's exposes are also in danger of persecution as collaborators, having also disclosed government malfeasance and earned its wrath.

Into this morass Miss Thighborg is once again intervening to provide perspective and guidance on the Assange case.

"We will flee, beleef me," she said in an interview with the BBC. "I haf ways and means of extracting him, following a night together."

Asked what "a night together" would involve, she said she would "tackle the fifth" on that question.

A mysterious (and large) suitcase has been observed arriving with Ms. Thighborg at the Embassy, its function not entirely clear.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more