BILLINGSGATE POST: US ships in the Persian Gulf unleashed 67 deadly Tomahawk missiles this morning, blowing up a confirmed body count of 21 dromedaries, the major source of commercial transportation in Iran. These camels carry vital shipments of dates and figs from Tehran to Shahid Rajaee Port near the Strait of Hormuz. With each missile costing $600,000, the cost per camel was approximately $2,000,000 plus S&H; an amount Defense Secretary Mattis said was a bargain because the Defense Department has an unlimited budget.
Iran’s President, Hassan Rouhani, ever resolute, condemned Trump for using “psychological warfare” on Iran. Abandoning his own faithful dromedary which had caught a missile near the exit port of his alimentary canal, he added that; “It has been lonesome in the saddle since my camel died.”
Vowing that he would return to fight another day, once he rounded up enough camels to mount a counteroffensive, he cursed the day that Donald Trump was born.
Calling Trump a liar and a fraud, he asked Allah to allow for a dyspeptic camel to befoul Trump’s bed; by far the worst curse ever to have been wished on a hated enemy.