In a move that left White House reporters stunned, the president held an impromptu press conference this afternoon, where he pulled a piece of toilet paper off the bottom of his shoe, and on it, wrote up and signed an executive order repealing all child labor laws.
He then made the statement, "The days of 5 and 6 year olds gaming the system are over."
The Speaker of The House responded with a statement of his own:
"The president's bold move today is a breath of fresh air for democracy, and just what our economy needs to stimulate manufacturing jobs."