Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 29 May 2018

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The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Teacher's Armpits Were Rank
Preventive action became necessary

There were frowns all around the staffroom of a school in Battambang this morning, when a substitute teacher who had turned up to do a day's teaching took off her cardigan to reveal unsightly circles of perspiration in her armpits.

In fairness, the weather was warm, but this was the beginning of a day, not sunset after a long shift laying tarmac, and the odour that was emanating from her underarm was enough for one man to refer to her wet patches as her 'Wheels of Death'.

One of those present, Moys Kenwood, 54, said:

"She'd obviously had a shower because her hair was still wet, but perhaps the water hadn't trickled down as far as her armpits, because she was absolutely humming.

Another witness to this 'nasal assault' was Teacher Brian, an Australian, who laughed:

"I called her 'Sheila' which was funny, 'cos it turned out her name was Sheila. She reeked that bad, I thought she'd probably run a marathon or two before she'd come to work. The savage!"

The third member of the offended trio, Teacher Tim, an American and not exactly sweet-smelling himself, said:

"I smelt her before I saw her. I was returning from the bathroom. The first things I noticed, after the pong, were the huge circles of sweat smothering her hairy armpits - her 'Wheels of Death'. They held my gaze. I couldn't take my eyes off them. She was so pungent, I couldn't help seeing her 'wheels' without thinking about a durian emerging from a vagina. If that's how bad her armpits smell, I wouldn't wanna get my nose too near her asshole!"

Police are not investigating.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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