Breaking: Mr. Trump’s advisors are suggesting Mr. Rudy Giuliani may substitute for Mr. Trump at the upcoming June 12 meeting in Singapore.
Why is not entirely clear, ranging from a cheeseburger that went down the wrong way, to a rumor Melania will return to Slovenia with son Baron to improve his education.
Mr. Trump has needed “to move off center field” for a moment, according to a spokesperson.
Mr. Giuliani indicates immediate commitment to serve the international demands of this important summit.
He was to receive “Mouth of the Year” award from The New York Times on that same date, but “duty to a higher cause decides me.”
As to preparation, Mr. Giuliani has replied, “Mr. Kim will be on his hands and knees that first evening we meet, believe me.”
Asked whether this statement represents Mr. Giuliani’s negotiating style, he replied in the affirmative.
He further explained that “negotiating” with the United States actually means coming to terms with a list of demands first, “before there is one penny of sanctions relief.”
To the demands:
*a six months time table by which all nuclear weapons (and any other destructive devices) are delivered to the US without fail or delay.
*shutting up about further increased exercises around the northern Korean peninsula, including B-52 flights directly over Pyongyang.
*absolutely and with no equivocation no return to nuclear armaments, plus dismantling of the North Korean Armed Forces.
*Mr. Kim to retire to an abandoned monastery in remote mountainous terrain of North Korea
*regime change further accomplished within a THREE months time table by importing war hawks from South Korea to take over the governing of North Korea.
“Any resistance to these ideas and I walk,” Mr. Giuliani said, with no sign of humor.
Asked whether Mr. Trump agrees with this approach (containing contributions from National Security Advisor John Bolton), Mr. Giuliani replied:
"It's basic playbook. How can he disagree?"
Meanwhile, Mr. Kim of North Korea has responded.
“It will be a merry day in North Korea when I am on my hands and knees in Singapore, and Mr. Giuliani is flat on his back with my fat right knee across his chest.”
He added: “We could also arm wrestle, if he would like that.”
Mr. Trump has been difficult to locate for his take on this matter, but has at last been found in a dark corner of a McDonald’s near the White House.
“Yes, well I must say this repeated hostility from Mr. Kim is surprising, and as before we may need to call off this conference.”