New Study Reports that People Aren't Eating Nearly Enough Seaweed

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 18 April 2018

image for New Study Reports that People Aren't Eating Nearly Enough Seaweed
While land vegetables like broccoli are fine as a special treat, they should not serve as a dietary substitute for seaweed.

A new study recently published by the Joint Center for Nutrition and Oceanics recently reported that people aren't eating nearly enough seaweed.

“It's alarming,” stated JCNO Director John Griebel. “We'd assumed that most Americans were consuming sufficient, if not optimal levels of seaweed. But this study revealed that some people aren't eating any seaweed at all.”

The lack of seaweed in Americans' diets may leave their overall health, well, in the weeds. According to Griebel, seaweed, which is much more nutrient-dense than any land vegetables, offers a myriad of health benefits. It is an excellent source of micronutrients including folate, calcium, magnesium, zinc, iron, and selenium. More importantly, seaweed is a great source of iodine.

“It really ought to be a dietary staple,” stated Griebel.

Griebel could only speculate as to to the reasons for the marked seaweed deficiency in the average American's diet. “It could be that people are consuming more cultivated sea crops – sea plants rather than seaweed. And some people seem to prefer the taste of land vegetables, like broccoli or kale. Those are fine as a special treat, but they shouldn't serve as a seaweed substitute."

Griebel emphasized that the dietary deficiency in seaweed is not due to lack of availability; if anything, seaweed is more readily available than ever, since commercial fishing has left the oceans virtually barren of fishes and other marine who might ordinarily feast on the tasty marine weed.

Interested in incorporating more seaweed into your diet?

Griebel offered a quick and easy recipe. “Scoop out an avocado and mash in some seaweed. Then return it to the avocado shell, and you've got a seaweed-stuffed avocado. Bingo – instant breakfast.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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