BILLINGSGATE POST: Drifting under the cover of shadows that share the darkness enveloping the Beltway in Washington, the organic throb of millions of penis pumps might someday be utilized to drain the murky swamp that smothers everyday political reckonings in our Nation's capital.
Indeed, with members of Congress, including Al Franken and John Conyers, who have been exposed for exercising their God-given right of sexual expression with subordinates, there is only one viable solution remaining; penis pumps.
Despite their unsavory connotations, penis pumps have been used for years to relieve the stress that builds up on a daily basis with men attempting to cope with the mundane conditions of their job. In one publicized case, a mistrial was declared because the thumping sounds of one of these devices was heard over the drone of boring testimony in the courtroom. The judge, who seemed oblivious to the questioning of a witness, was evidently enjoying one of life's simple pleasures when called upon to turn off his device so the trial could proceed.
Today, in the new feminist environment, where the testimony of women with very long memories is exposing previously held secrets of powerful men who took advantage of them 30 years ago, one wonders if anything is sacred. Many powerful men in Washington and Hollywood, with their trust waning, have chosen to rely on penis pumps rather than Non-Disclosure Agreements to place their trust.
Currently, the largest manufacturer of these devices is the ACME Corporation. Primarily known for supplying anvils to Wily E Coyote for the purpose of dropping on the Roadrunner, the company is now manufacturing penis pumps in China under their trademark name. With the capacity to make thousands of these pumps daily, it seemed natural that the Trump Administration would turn to ACME for help in draining the swamp in Washington.
Looking forward to President Trump's second year in office, his promises to BUILD THE WALL and DRAIN THE SWAMP will be his rallying calls when he meets with his adoring constituents in 2018.
