For years, the ageing Prince Philip has been a beacon of bigotry at the head of the British Royal Family. Now at the age of 95, he has decided that the time has come for him to take it easy, and as a result, he will only make one racially offensive comment each day.
In his heyday in the 1960s, Philip could rave about piccaninnies and Hottentots from dusk until dawn. However, the effort required to produce an endless series of comments about "spear-chuckers" and "ching chongs" has taken its toll.
Royal correspondent Geoff Suckle said, "People don't realise how exhausting a life it is. He has to stand around all day, shaking hands with foreign dignitaries. Then at just the right moment he must come up with a perfect zinger of a remark which sits just on the right side of acceptability so it will create the maximum coverage but without damaging the royals' reputation."
Racist old shit Prince Philip was unavailable for interview but would probably have said "bugger off" anyway.