Written by XRhonda Speaks

Saturday, 31 December 2016

image for Carrot Top First Headliner Signed To Trump Inauguration.
Comedian Carrot Top designed these yoga pants to help President Trump launch a strike in case of a nuclear emegency.

Speaking to this reporter in Las Vegas, Scott Thompson, AKA Carrot Top, deflected criticism of his acceptance to headline Trump's inaugural ball.

We met in his dressing room after one of his acclaimed standup comedy routines in Las Vegas, and he had this to say:

"I know people don't want to be associated with Donald Trump, but I'm a comedian and comedy knows no bounds, so I'm committed to doing a good show for the President elect. But it's also really cool that a ginger is headlining for the first orange president."

When asked about props for the inaugural ball, Carrot Top was like a kid showing off a shiny new toy.

"Well, let me show you the ones that didn't make into the routine for the inauguration."

Slipping behind a screen, Thompson keeps talking as he changes pants.

"These pants are for women, and I put "The Button" on the crotch, so in a nuclear emergency President Trump will have no problem launching a strike."

Thompson steps out from the screen wearing yoga pants with a Staples "Easy" button sticking out prominently from the crotch.

"I plagiarized a book," Thompson says and produces a copy of Presidency for Dummies.

"OK, check this one out!"

Thompson opens a bottle of Coke and slowly drinks about a third.

"That's not the trick yet, hold on a second..."

Then the beloved ginger one pulls out a funnel and tops off the coke with Tic Tacs before capping the bottle, shaking it and and running. After a few seconds the swelling bottle explodes making a mess on the dressing room floor.

"The Secret Service put the kibosh on that one," Thompson declares.

One can only wonder what gags Carrot Top does has in store for the big night.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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