WASHINGTON, D.C.--In a ceremony today at the White House, President Barack Obama issued an authentic Birther Certificate, signed and certified by Chief White House Strategist and Wife Beater Steven Bannon and White Nationalist Richard Spencer.
The certificate read:
"I, President Barack Obama, do hereby issue to President-elect Donald J. Trump an official Birther Certificate, certifying that Mr. Trump, for several years, attempted to delegitimize me as the first African-American to be popularly elected as President of the United States, thereby inspiring, through his untiring efforts, millions of like-minded Republicans to also question my legitimacy as President of the United States."
A spokesperson for the White House said that the long form of Mr. Trump's Birther Certificate could be found at Breitbart.Bullshit.
On hearing of the issuance of the Birther Certificate, President-elect Trump angrily tweeted,
"President Obama issues Birther C. to me only?! What about the millions of other hard working Americans who questioned his legitimacy? So sad!"