You Ted Cruz! You're Full Of Fareed Zakaria

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Monday, 15 August 2016

image for You Ted Cruz! You're Full Of Fareed Zakaria

Puffing through his foreign policy address, while holding onto the podium with one hand, Donald Trump appeared to wheeze out his declaration that Hillary Clinton did not have the stamina or temperament to be president.

Shifting hands, one always gripping the podium and the other used as a pointer to emphasize his words, he turned his head from left to right, to read from the teleprompter.

He stuck to the script like dry rot.

NATO, he confessed, had improved in the last two weeks. Two weeks before, Trump announced that he wouldn't defend NATO nations unless they paid up.

Afterwards, a General on a CNN panel discussing Trump's NATO statement suggested that he didn't want to quote Fareed Zakaria's recent descriptive phrase about a Trump statement, but clearly agreed.

Fareed Zakaria called Trump's statement, "bull shit," on live television.

It was bad enough that John Boehner called Ted Cruz, "a son of a bitch" at Stanford University. However, this language was getting rather foul-mouthed.

While Donald Trump was predicting losing the election due to voter fraud and dithering on debating Hillary Clinton, Senator Elizabeth Warren offered to debate Trump on the Food Network while preparing a dinner from mystery ingredients in a basket as seen on the Chopped program.

Trump didn't think that Chopped was a very good omen.

"You're a chicken or we debate while preparing a three course meal from a basket," Senator Warren challenged.

While Trump could barely stand at the podium and read from a teleprompter, boiling water would have been beyond his…

His campaign manager quickly nixed the idea saying it wouldn't be very presidential.

"That's a lot of Fareed Zakaria," announced Elizabeth Warren, "You're just a Ted Cruz. I'll debate an empty chair and prepare a three course meal from mystery ingredients. Lookie here: pig's feet, pork belly, tripe, crackers and a jar of honey. Yummy!"

At just about this point-in-time, Donald Trump is questioning why he ever decided to leave his gold encrusted quadruplex in Trump Towers, his golf game and his exotic third wife, to run for president of the United States.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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