Large toy Elephant built for GOP convention malfunctions and may not be ready in time

Written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 16 July 2016

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CNN reports circus elephants deeply upset but analyzing a possible new weapon for workplace disputes

A Host Committee representative for next week's GOP convention in Cleveland has indicated problems with upcoming ceremonies.

The concept is brilliant, he explained, somewhat as with the old idea of the Trojan Horse, in which a large toy Elephant would roll into the hall and emit personalities and programs to "assure victory in November" and "re-establish the dignity of the Grand Old Party."

For example, Sarah Palin would dance out of the Elephant holding an assault rifle over her head and a sign indicating: "Bring back the draft--for women!"

Newt Gingrich would emerge in a small toy tank holding a roll of barbed wire and sign reading: "Concentration camps are not all that bad!"

Carpenters would emerge to build small stands here and there with a variety of intellectual propositions:

"Evolution is a hoax!"

"Science is for losers!"

But these dramatic notions for campaign stardom are on hold due to sudden malfunction.

Investigation is underway as to whether this symbol of the GOP, which somehow crosses into Trojan Horse and Noah's Arc, has been attacked by saboteurs.

Convention cleaning personnel were pressed to deal with what some estimated at near a ton of elephant dung (or replica thereof) descending to the central staging area and thereabouts.

Odors may not abate for weeks.

The Elephant, with a remarkable stern eye (some say its face resembles Richard Nixon), appears to disapprove of how it's being used.

Plus it was struck by a sudden crumbling at its right foreleg, and near to toppling over.

Convention Hall organizing personnel and builders of the Elephant are currently being "processed" as to their possible connection to the Elephant's turn for the worse.

One hundred are under arrest at this time and Mr. Trump has been reported musing on water-boarding as part of the interrogation.

Replica elephant dung manufacturers are also being sought, although so far none have been found, and it is felt inconceivable that such a quantity of real dung could have been secretly transported into the Elephant's innards.

Mr Trump has responded: "We have information that this magnificent symbol of the GOP was supposed to defecate at the moment of my nomination. That, fortunately, was prevented, as it went off prematurely."

Meanwhile, the problem of loose bowels in elephants (laxus viscera sua) has received sudden scholarly interest, including from a new academic foundation titled The Ginzberg Enquiries into National Politics.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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