Crooked Hill? Questionable Contributions to Clinton Foundation from Foreign Governments - and Bernie Sanders!

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 13 July 2016

image for Crooked Hill? Questionable Contributions to Clinton Foundation from Foreign Governments - and Bernie Sanders!
Bernie Sanders purportedly made an EXTREMELY personal contributiton to the Clinton Foundation: his own soul.

The Clinton Foundation, which, during Hillary Rodham Clinton's tenure as secretary of state, accepted millions of dollars from such conflict-ridden, human-rights-challenged foreign governments as Kuwait, Qatar, and Algeria, has reportedly received another ethically-questionable donation - from one Bernie Sanders, who is rumored to have donated his very own soul.

It seems that by his extremely personal contribution to the charitable organization headed by Hillary Clinton's husband, Bill, Sanders sought to underscore the earnestness of his endorsement of Clinton in her campaign for the presidency.

"The foundation does good work," explained a defensive Sanders. "Hillary has always been an ardent advocate for children."

He added, apparently in jest, "And besides, the Clinton Foundation could use some soul! In fact, Hillary could probably use one as well."

When asked why he didn't simply make a financial contribution to the foundation, Sanders responded, "I wanted to help in a more personal way. Really give my whole soul over the the Clintons. In the good work that they do, that is."

Some have called Sanders a "sellout" for endorsing his former political rival, considered by many to be "hawkish" and overly corporate-friendly.

Said one former Sanders supporter, "When he announced he was endorsing Clinton, I really 'felt the Bern' - in my esophagus."

Sanders himself poo-pooed the notion of his being any sort of political sellout.

"That's preposterous," he scoffed. "As I hope my recent personal donation to the Clinton Foundation demonstrates, I didn't 'sell' anything. I gave of myself freely."

One former Bernie-or-Bust-er, 28-year-old Oliver Harding, had a rather different take on Sanders's endorsement of Clinton. "I see it more as performance art," expressed Harding. "Bernie was making a statement about how desperately we need to overhaul our entire political system by showing, through his own personal example, that even a person of integrity can't possibly emerge from politics with any principles intact."

Harding shook his head, awestruck. "And boy did Bernie make that point well. Powerful stuff!"

When asked about the soulful donation purportedly made by Sanders, however, Clinton Foundation spokesman Craig Minassian denied receiving any such contribution. Nevertheless, Sanders has reportedly claimed a sizeable tax deduction, the precise amount of which remains to be determined.

IRS agent Felisha Hall explained, "At this point in time, the exact value of Sanders's soul is in doubt."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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