Written by Xavier Fairbanks

Thursday, 7 July 2016

image for Trump Jack In The Box Verbally Abuses Vulnerable Children
Packaging artwork from popular Jackass In The Box

Concerns have arisen surrounding a popular children's toy that hit the market early last month. The Donald Trump Jack in the Box is facing several scrutinies by parents and child health organizations, the world over due to its highly antagonistic, misogynistic, and inappropriate nature.

Earlier today, our news team reached out to the makers of the Donald Trump Jack In the Box, but never received any calls back regarding the item in question.

"It's horrible. Here I thought the clown like appearance would make my daughter very happy, but when it popped up and told her to "bend over and show me your vote", I had to take it back.", said Maria Fillippo, mother of three.

After hearing about Maria Fillippo's experience with the Donald Trump Jack in The Box, we reached out to other parents in the area who have had similar experiences with the so called "greatest American toy ever!".
Janet Monistat, mother of four couldn't have been more caught off guard. "I came home, taking pride in an American made toy all wrapped up for my son's birthday. He unwrapped it and started playing with it. Then all of a sudden, every time it popped open, he would hand my son a playboy and tell him which bathroom he should be using. It was ridiculous."

Just when Janet thought the worst had happened, the toy began to act even more objectionable. "It began telling me and my daughters to hike up our skirts, show him our red white and pink, and even demanded we jack his box".

Many leading experts are now classifying the toy as the modern day furby in response to the similarities in appearance and annoyance. One local toy maker has even gone as far as to ban the product from their shelves.

Michael Forester's experience was one in the same, "I brought it home, unwrapped it for my son and set it up. Next thing I know it's telling him to draw a picture of Mexico on the floor in front of my walls with a crayon and the words "Build me! Pointing at it! I got Mexican neighbors man, we can't be having that around here. I took that (EXPLETIVE) outside and ran it over."

As of noon we still have yet to hear from the manufacturer on this particular item, but are awaiting a much anticipated press release in the following days regarding what has now become widely known as "America's Jackass In The Box". We will provide updates accordingly.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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