Hillary agrees to ankle bracelet as part of too big to nail settlement with the FBI

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

image for Hillary agrees to ankle bracelet as part of too big to nail settlement with the FBI
Ms. Clinton showed enthusiasm when Mr. Comey presented conditions of not charging her

In breaking news yesterday, FBI Director James Comey has cleared Ms. Clinton of nothing more than "extreme carelessness" in compromising national security with her private email server.

That she also misled investigators and the country in denying what she had compromised as "classified" also falls under the general category "she meant no harm."

Joining Ms. Clinton in support of her presidential aspirations, President Obama responded with: "Some folks are just too big to nail, and I can understand that. Ms. Clinton has been cleared. Period. We can move on."

Former President Bill Clinton was quick to add in, "Look, she has my experience and advice to draw on from here on out. She will be protected and guided."

Mr. Clinton is currently on tour with his new book "Responsibility and Discretion in the Hallways of Power."

Meanwhile, suggestions there might be some confusion in the public mind on who is okay to release classified information has been clarified by mainstream pundits.

There is no comparison to be made here with Chelsea Manning, John Kiriakou, and such rogue elements critical of the US government.

Ms. Manning is currently behind bars for another thirty years or so for revealing classified information on questionable military behavior such as "collateral murder" in Iraq.

Mr. Kiriakou was imprisoned for thirty months for blowing the whistle on CIA torture programs.

But Ms. Clinton had "no criminal intent" in her carelessness, then obfuscation, with her situation.

"Intent" with whistleblowers is just plain nasty and cannot be considered.

Whistleblowers and their ilk as with Julian Assange and Edward Snowden belong to a different category as with jail no bail and hell yes nail.

Mr. Trump sees the difference as: "In her case the issue is carelessness. Extreme carelessness, you got that, right? But that's not whistleblowers. They are nasty and dirty. Water boarding is too good for them, believe me."

Nevertheless, FBI Director Comey says Ms. Clinton will need to abide by certain conditions as part of this too big to nail settlement.

Ms. Clinton will need to wear an ankle bracelet and check in with Mr. Comey morning and evening every day on her email server activity.

This whether occupant of White House or private residence.

This ankle bracelet restraint was modeled by Julian Assange who wore one for two years prior to his current seclusion, checking in with police morning and evening.

Additionally, Ms. Clinton will be confined to residence--including, possibly, The White House--for one year, also known as "house arrest."

Her email behavior will be monitored closely as to any forgetting, yawning, dismissing, or outright rebellion against using secure email servers.

Mr. Comey insisted: "These restrictions are not Draconian, given the nature of Ms. Clinton's violations, which we in the FBI take very very seriously."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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