Race riots erupted all over New York City following the announcement that, on Tuesday morning, NYPD officers fatally shot a black Muslim man who was armed with nothing more than a stolen H-bomb.
Truck driver Muhammad Baker was killed instantly in a hail of police gunfire as he reached for a blinking red button on the dashboard of his truck, which he had parked in the middle of Times Square. On the back of his rig, wired to said button, was a 25 megaton thermonuclear device which had recently been stolen from a military base in Nevada.
Reading from a prepared statement, the Reverend Al Charlatan fumed: "If this had been a white man threatening to blow New York City to smithereens, you can bet that the police would have exercised some restraint! Our brother was guilty of nothing more than 'driving while black'!"
Added Louie Fartcon, chair of N.O.I.S.E. (National Organization of the Islamic Struggle for Equality): "They shot this man just because he bore the name 'Muhammad'. Don't they know by now that Islam is a religion of peace?"
Only one of the police officers involved agreed to be named. Constable Issa Taylor had this to say: "Mr. Baker was black like me. He was a Muslim like me. I intend to co-operate fully with any inquiry, but cut me some slack here. I was just doing my job."