Written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

image for Assange responds to withdrawal of police from outside the embassy
Mr. Assange waited into the small hours to experiment

According to a recent interview with Spoof News, Julian Assange has stated his relief at being able to look out the window and see no sign of police around the embassy.

He stated that the shock of this development is only gradually wearing off. For several hours he asked himself, "Can I go outside now?"

The idea that he might leave his embassy quarters and breathe fresh air, uncontaminated by his own body odors, was richly satisfying to contemplate.

He reported walking back and forth in his quarters, deep in thought, for several hours following this development in which police have been removed due to "disproportionate" surveillance.

Several times he approached the front door, opened it, and peered through. He saw nothing. No police suddenly leaped out of hiding places.or squealed up to the curb in police vehicles.

The question became: when.

When should he venture out of doors to take in some air and sun, and enjoy a good, vigorous walk?

Finally he admitted it took him a long time to realize he might even be able to pack his bag and venture into the streets to hail a taxi.

If he could make his way to the coast he might find someone with a boat that could put him en route to South America, and he would be plenty willing to take a long voyage to get there.

The calming ocean waters, fresh air, and freedom became so intoxicating at that moment his face recovered from its whiter than white pallor accumulated since 2012.

Then he realized the best way forward was to experiment--but most properly in the dead of night, with the most impenetrable darkness available.

Accordingly in the small hours of a recent morning Mr. Assange took an experimental exit.

The embassy front door creaked, but there was no receptionist to remind him he'd been opening the door and peering outside too many times already.

Outside he slowly lowered himself across the steps and toward the sidewalk, moving like a shadow.

Would a voice call out from nearby, searchlights flood over him, dogs begin snarling?

What happened next caused him to rush back up the steps and inside the safety of the embassy.

A female landed on his back, arms around his neck, another grasped his hand, and a third murmured in his ear, "We know you're ready for us."

Mr. Assange then admitted he'd only been dreaming,and he would take more time deciding what to do with his new liberty.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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