The White House announced this morning that President Barack Obama has dispatched Moose, the gaseous hero dog to ISIS strongholds in Syria. "It is time," Obama said in a prepared statement, "to once again use the ultimate weapon. It is not a decision I make lightly."
It was just two years ago that Moose was smuggled into Syria and a meeting Of President Assad and his staff. Assad was hospitalized for several weeks and many of his staff fled the country. "No more demon dog," said Assad at the time.
The Associated Press is reporting that thousands more Syrians have rushed to the borders to flee the impending attack. A few are even attempting to reach Israel. One man was stopped at the border dressed in a Yomulke and a shawl. When a journalist asked him his name and if he was a member of ISSIS, he replied, Name is Abdul Azziz, no ISSIS, not take a chance demon dog get me!"
Journalist: "You're going to Israel?!"
Azziz replied: "Yes, go be Jew person.
Escape demon gas dog. Eat matza ball soap and gefilte fish."
Journalist: "But your name is Izziz?"
Azziz looked at the journalist and mumbled, "Go figure."
An SIS spokesman has appealed to the United Nations to halt Obama's action. "We appeal to you," stated the spokesman, "Do not loose barbaric Moose and his satanic gases. We quit bad!"