DETROIT--On Wednesday morning, reporters gathered in the Motor City to hear legendary rocker Vincent Furnier--better known as Alice Cooper-- announce that he was vying to run for president under the Republican banner. Cooper added that, in an unusual move, he had already selected his running mate, fellow Detroit rocker Ted Nugent..
No sooner were these words out of Cooper's mouth than all present grimaced in pain as a deafening report of "WANGO TANGO!!!" blared forth from a passing airplane. Seconds later, the Motor City Madman himself -- along with a stack of amplifiers, speakers, and a shrieking guitar -- parachuted into the midst of the crowd.
After the din subsided, Cooper was asked if he had any new spending initiatives in mind.
"Oh, certainly," he replied. "There'll be lots of Billion Dollar Babies."
When asked if he had anything to add, Nugent replied: "WANGO TANGO!!!"
As for any shifts in U.S. foreign policy, Cooper declared: "No More Mr. Nice Guy", while Nugent added: "WANGO TANGO!!!"
Questions came to an abrupt halt as Cooper grabbed a reporter's microphone and launched into an a capella version of his 1972 hit "Elected". The performance ended unexpectedly when, out of nowhere, the Reverend Smithy recognized Cooper and punched him in the nose. While two paramedics attended to the dazed Cooper, a third asked Nugent if he had forgotten to take his medication, or, perhaps, had hit his head while jumping out of the airplane.
"WANGO TANGO!!!" was his only reply.