WASHINGTON, DC - Standing at a modest 18-full-grown-men tall, the sentient wrecking ball that is Koktor is setting fire to recent Republican polls. Having arrived on the political stage just days after defending the Pacific coast from a radioactive octopus shark, Koktor has been quick to make a name for himself with his AI algorithm's crowd-pleasing stances on leading conservative issues.
Immigration: "KOKTOR!"
2nd Amendment rights: "KOKTOR!"
Planned Parenthood: "KOKTOR!"
Benghazi: "KOKTOOOR!"
But in a room full of the biggest swinging dicks America has to offer, Koktor is packing some impressive heat in the form of a flagpole protruding from his pelvic sector with an American flag chained to the tip.
"It's just an awesome display of patriotism," marveled one Republican voter. "The patriotism this candidate exudes with one single flagpole cock can't be outshone by a million stooges with American flag cufflinks."
It's a sentiment that is echoed by a growing number of the voter base, with recent polls even showing Koktor surpassing Trump himself. When asked to comment on his new opponent's meteoric rise, Mr. Trump was was quick to discredit Koktor's heroic deeds.
"Listen, I like slinging the stars and stripes from my member - and it's HUGE, I might add, trust me, it's phenomenal - but the fact is that at any moment that American flag can be swapped out for a Mexican flag before you can say 'they're raping my niece.' But this," Trump said as he unzipped his pants to reveal a distinct red, white, and blue tattoo running the length of his shaft, "this is what the dick of a true patriot looks like."
