Wile E. Coyote Turns Down Offer Of 72 Virgin Road Runners

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 17 July 2015


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BILLINGSGATE POST: Negotiations between ISIS and Wile E. Coyote broke down yesterday after ISIS offered Wile E. their standard, blue-plate 72 Virgin Road Runner Special if he would join their terrorist group.

Unlike General McAuliffe, who responded to a German surrender ultimatum during World War II's Battle of the Bulge by saying, "Nuts!" to the Germans, Wile E Coyote responded with a question:

"Virgins my ass! What the f..k would I do with 72 of those BEEP-BEEPING! pieces of s..t?" Obviously pissed that ISIS had the nerve to try to bribe him, Coyote went on:

"As you well know, I am a natural athlete. Unlike ISIS, I don't have to train or ask for help when I embark on my Road Runner operations. Rhetorically speaking, have you ever seen a regulation, type A coyote do stretching exercises to loosen up before he chases a jack-rabbit? He would starve to death!"

"Anyway, I have an air-tight contract with ACME Corporation that goes back 30 years. Even though those bastards supply me with technically obsolete equipment that breaks down 100% of the time; a deal is a deal."

NOTE: This story is not to be confused with a similar story released by Al Jazeera yesterday that stated that Wile E. Coyote couldn't wait to have simultaneous sex with 72 Road Runners, described by ISIS as "certified" virgins.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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