Written by Harry Klondike

Friday, 19 June 2015

image for N.R.A. Announces "Heat Packin' Pastors" Program

Washington D.C. The NRA is drawing ire from gun control lobbyist over a program aimed at helping pastors in low income communities obtain hand guns and free target shooting courses. The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence called it "audacious and flagrant opportunism", while the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence accused the NRA of "self serving fear mongering".

According to the NRA, the tragic events in Charleston have once again proven that gun free zones are a psychopath's playground and said that many such zones end up as killing fields. An NRA press release stated;
"We are dedicated to preserving the second amendment. The preservation of this amendment saves lives which by proxy leaves us as the willful and inextricable link to the preservation of human life."

Henry Faggart of the Firebush Freewill Baptist Church in Kentucky applauded the NRA. "Hell most of my people have guns on 'em all the time anyway. I got more guns than I can count. I don't even mow the lawn with out a .357 Charter Arms in a ankle holster. In the pulpit I usually keep a Colt .38 snubby in my waist band and a Smith&Wesson .44 mag. with a 4 inch barrel under the actual pulpit itself. I ain't sure what the deacons carry but they all pack too."

When asked about the notion of church being a place of sanctuary and peace the good reverend quickly shot back, "Don't come at me with this pinko-commie turn the other cheek bullshit! Jesus was just as much of a bad ass as his Father is. The only two reason Jesus didn't carry a gun is - (1.) they weren't invented yet and (2.) He was the Son of God All Mighty. If He had the power to raise the dead and make wine outta' water don't you think He could kill a man dead in his tracks just by lookin' at him cross ways? Jesus didn't need no gun- that don't mean He wants His flock exposed to a bunch of demon possessed wolves neither!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
68 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more