SECOND CITY -- The Windy City, home to Prezident Obummer and his one-time chief of staff, Mayor-for-Now Rahm Emanuel, is (allegedly) operating a "black site" jail where prisoners are (allegedly) denied their Constitutional rights and are (allegedly) beaten and tortured until they confess to their crimes, real or imagined.
"It's a converted warehouse or whorehouse--we're not sure which," said I. B. Black, a spokesman for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), who, together with Amnesty International (AI), is investigating the site.
"Many of our brothers and sisters are targets of the hate group known as The Windy City Po-lice Department," the Black whined, "as are a handful of honkeys."
The facility, known as Tiananmen Square, is on the south side of town, which is saturated with predominantly African-American street gangs.
Reportedly, passersby have heard "pathetic" voices crying from within the building, "Yo, mofo, doan I tell you I ain't kill nobuddy in two year? Now, lemme out this hellhole, yo sorry-ass honkey pig!"
According to defensive attorneys, authorities browbeat and question suspects for hours on end, often while they are shackled. Any who attempt to fight back are beaten or otherwise tortured, the lawyers charge, so it's as if they've "disappeared through the cracks of the criminal justice system, which can be quite numerous and large."
Windy City po-lice deny that Tiananmen Square exists.
"If we were operating a secret 'black site' jail where we didn't book suspects, notify their attorneys of their whereabouts or even of the fact that they were in custody, or permit suspects to communicate with anyone outside the facility, don't you think you'd have heard about it before now?" Lt. Abe Use asked during his interview with the British newspaper that reported the alleged abuses.
Obummer promises to sic Attorney General Holder or his successor on The Windy City as soon as Emanuel is reelected and the illegal immigrants the prezident has invited into the U. S. are granted amnesty.