Just when we thought it was safe to go back in the water

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Sunday, 18 January 2015


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Not since "Psycho" has a shower been as terrifying as the transgender gym at SDSU

SAN DIEGO, CA -- Students and officials at San Diego State University (SDSU), like the rest of the world (or at least Europe, Canada, and the United States), are learning that it is nature that is wrong, and not transgender persons, in insisting that mankind consists of only two sexes, male and female.

Grad student Ima Mann "identifies," he or she says, "as a transman," and, therefore, he or she says, he or she should be allowed to use the men's locker room at SDSU's Aztec Recreation Center (ARC) after working out in the school's gym "to develop and maintain muscles."

However, another patron of the gym, who identifies as a man, allegedly threatened to escort the transman patron from the facility. "This place is for men only," he told Mann. "Anyone who used to be a woman ain't welcome, so, if I were you, I'd be getting my transfat ass out of here, pronto! Otherwise, I'll help you to the door myself."

Mann whined that school officials know how he or she feels about being transgender in a "hostile environment." "They know I don't feel safe among macho jocks."

He or she wanted a shower curtain, "preferably something in a floral print," to give him or her "some privacy" in the non-partitioned shower. "The guys have a tendency to size each other up," Mann complained, adding, with a wink, "if you know what I mean, and they aren't chivalrous to boys like me, who don't exactly 'measure up.'"

SDSU refused his or her request. "As a result, I reek of semi-manly pheromones all day," Mann bitched, "and attract quite a few very confused dogs, on and off campus."

Once again, the campus' conservative group maintains, they are right to be concerned about the presence of "persons like Mann" in opposite-sex facilities, such as showers, locker rooms, and restrooms, where partial or full nudity may occur.

"They endanger themselves and others alike, and they should have to conform to nature, rather than seeking special treatment because of their mental disorders or dysphoria or whatever it is that afflicts them," Campus Conservatives spokesman Dwayne Hicks suggested.

Meanwhile, the campus' female student body "is happy to have him or her, if and when he or she wants to celebrate his or her inner woman," Feminist Scholar-in-Residence Gay Chique declared.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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