WASHINGTON, D.C. -- As his first act as chair of the Senate subcommittee on Space, Science and Competitiveness, Texas Senator Ted Cruz has pledged to focus all of NASA's resources on bringing Will Robinson and the crew of the Jupiter 2 back home to Earth.
"President Obama and the Democrats have allowed the Robinson family and the rest of the crew to remain lost in space for way too long," Cruz, who is expected to be confirmed later this month, said during a wormhole interview with Fox News Uranus. "While I'm not sure of their physical condition since they once orbited close to the sun, I'm sure they couldn't look any worse than Boehner does."
There would be many benefits derived from having them return, the Republican lawmaker said.
"Taxpayers are demanding we retrieve the robot and reprogram him as an anti-thug law enforcement tool."
By utilizing Professor John Robinson's knowledge of advanced weaponry, Cruz hopes many of America's law-abiding, open carry advocates with be holstering laser guns in the future.
"Imagine how the bad guys will feel when you flash those things around in Walmart," he said.
Cruz also praised the work of Jupiter 2 stowaway Dr. Zachary Smith, despite allegations he sabotaged the space ship and forced it off course.
"We could use Dr. Smith's keen mind to help us hack the launching system of North Korea's nukes so they all end up destined for areas of our country with the highest concentration of poor and minority residents," said Cruz.
